Pull yourself together

If someone else said this to me, I would have to stop myself from being very rude to them. However, it is what I am telling myself to do.

So here is the "gentle kick up the backside" which if written somewhere is more likely to happen (written in a very therapy-esque way, I think that it is a remnant from the past):

Issue: Mornings (other than Sunday and Tuesday and Wednesday - church mornings) are spent in bed. Quite frankly, I need the daylight. And still being awake at 3am, thus having seen 10 hours of darkness out of the window (it is completely dark now at 5pm) is just not good.
To change this I need to: Get out of bed by 9am most mornings. Eventually I'll be tired enough to sleep at midnight most nights.


Issue: Eating. Gone haywire. Haywire eating leads to the thoughts of yesteryear coming back, and before I know it, I'm standing in the bathroom wiping my eyes with a damp flannel after making myself sick to try and hide the tell tale signs from those around me. Very much don't want to end up back there, so...
To change this I need to: Stick to meal times. Less absent nibbling on anything and everything. Avoid kitchen cupboard staring, it isn't worth it and never helps the feeling anyway.


Issue: Money. Sheet music is one huge expense, which to be honest I should cease to buy in quite the way I am at the moment. Paying off my university debts needs to be my top priority so I can have a "gap 10 months" without that pressure around.
To change this I need to: Budget better. If my boring minimum amount for being an organist gets directly put into "clearing uni debt" I'll have paid off these courses fees by July. What with the other bits and bobs I have coming in with tutoring, concerts, weddings and the like, I should be able to go to concerts fairly often and buy the occasional bit of sheet music (and hopefully learn more of the huge amount I have already).


Issue: My failing body. I'm getting fairly annoyed/morose about it. Which isn't exactly helping.
To change this I need to: Sort out sleep and eating (see above) as that won't help, keep exercising in the ways I can to keep loosing the weight as that won't help and stop avoiding finding out if there were any problems with the x-rays (i.e. ring the GP and get an appointment, preferably before the painkillers I have in stock run out)


Issue: Currently petrified to start reading around my course subjects for the courses that are soon to start. And petrified about my 3rd year generally, which officially starts Very Soon.
To change this I need to: Tidy my room. Okay, okay, that sounds like I'm wussing out, but seriously my room being a state is not helping the whole "study" thing. Then start reading some essays I've got in my room (note to self: find them when tidying...). THEN, when my course materials turn up in about 15 days time, I shall be able to start without the excuses.


Issue: Being a grumpy sod.
To change this I need to: Stop being a grumpy sod. Oh, hang on, I can hear the voice my ex-psychologist telling me off for that not being quite what we are intending to do. Okay, erm, stop hiding so much, because that just perpetuates the grumpy sod feeling. Oh, and maybe practise smiling away from people so it doesn't look quite so forced. And do the other things in this post, which all relate somehow to the grumpy sod stuff quite a lot.



Then, and probably only then, will I hopefully feel a bit less like I'm living on a bouncy castle and everything is slightly wobbling out of reach. Each thing isn't that difficult to do, and once I'm in the swing of doing them becomes the expected default (instead of this current dysfunctional grumpy sod). So, first things first, 30 minutes of Radio 4 comedy accompanied by room tidying. Then a proper meal...